As a child, myself and every other kid in the family (never) missed a family wedding. Of course, it didn't cost $150 a head just to feed someone as it does today. Weddings were a family event and childred ARE the family. They, weddings, have gotten way out of hand, unfortunately. Whereas children can be a bit of a job, they are the family and should be invited to every wedding, no matter. Please, bring back the old fire house weddings with pork and beef sandwiches, a couple kegs of beer, and a real live five piece band that played for a hundred bucks. C ya.

It's up to the host of the wedding and is specified on the wedding invitation. If you were having a grown up dinner party (which some weddings are) you wouldn't want screaming children or teenagers getting into the booze or slip and sliding on the dance floor. On the other hand, I agree with Tony that children are part of the family--if they are invited and the setting is appropriate (fire house sounds right)--and they interact socially with the other guests--not sitting sullenly at the table with their Gameboys and IPhones.

First, I can understand that couples don't want their specially-choreographed wedding events (ceremony, first dance, etc.), being ruined with the sound of a crying child in the background and immortalized on video recordings. And as Tony commented, few folks are going to want to spend a ton of money at an expensive, catered event for a young child. Yet, children are part of a family. The idea of wanting to have young children as ringbearer / flower girl - and then to NOT include them in the subsequent festivities is a bit rude - they're good enough to be in cute pictures, but not good enough to attend the dinner? Some ideas to consider: Consider a low-age cutoff; a child under the age of four or five is unlikely to remember your wedding in future years AND at that age, are less able to understand that they aren't supposed to be the center of attention. If having children say under age eight or so, consider including a hand-written note with the wedding invitation to the parents asking them to kindly consider taking an aisle seat at the ceremony site towards the middle or rear of the attendees, so that if the child needs to step out for a few minutes, they aren't likely to create a big disruption - and, by placing the child(ren) at edge of the center aisle, they'll see the bride close-up as she walks up. Ask caterers for a less-costly children's meal suitable for the younger set and send a special "children's invitation" indicating this.

It would have been unthinkable to me and my husband not to have children at our wedding. My 13 nieces and nephews were excited to see their new uncle officially become part of the family, and it would have broken their hearts to be excluded. We had kids from as young as ten days old up to sixteen years. They were well-behaved and looked adorable out on the dance floor.
Yes, we couldn't invite some adults we may have otherwise invited, but the kids are family, and for us there was never even a question of whether they belonged at a family event.

I'm not sure why this is even a question. Of course they should be invited. A sense of family is a key part of any child's development and weddings are fun way to help with this. If your venue is to expensive to include all your family members then choose one you can afford to have everyone attend. I've always maintained that its the company not the destination that really matters!

With all the problems facing us in today's world, can this question be taken seriously? Weddiings are now highly orchestrated stage productions not necessarily all about the vows but rather the pomp, circumstance & moola. Let's face it. Kids at best are annoying. There are some who shouldn't even be taken to supermarkets, exhibiting the worst of their freedom of speech, individual expressions or whining self centeredness. But that's the way kids are wired! If they can frustrate, exasperate or torture you, they will! They need to learn their limitations; dragging them to a formal church & fancy-schmanzy culturally correct high-priced spread isn't the place for teaching them how to ascend the throne of the British Empire! I remember some high flying, whoopi-do-dah community hitchings in my past where kids could mingle in the joy of adults who were welcoming the new duo into their state of marital bliss/misery & a good time was had by all! If spaghetti & wine stains hit the bride's gown, a little seltzer water did the trick -- no one was scarred for life by getting their $750 shoes stomped on while dancing the polka with Uncle George. (I'd rather hear debate on the obnoxious archaic rituals of throwing of the garter & bouquet, cake-smashing in faces & their stupidity than about worries extended to Junior loading his diaper or throwing an up-chucking temper tantrum at the reception). I've been married enough times to be considered an expert on the subject!

Depends on the wedding ... my kids have been to many weddings and depending on the event it was either great (a low key, day time, family filled event) or awful (an evening, formal event).

Most weddings are adult events. There are usually lots of intoxicated people there. It's an inappropriate and often unsafe place for children to be. Would you take your kids to a bar? (hopefully not!) Same rules should apply for weddings where alcohol is served. But ultimately, it's up to the bride and the groom.

Parents often forget about their children after a few cocktails. I saw more than one child run into a waiter carrying trays of drinks. And the broken glass went all over the dance floor. I have seen children almost knock over other guests when the bouquet or garter is tossed. Come on! Parents are being selfing expecting their children to attend. It's the bride's day, and whatever the bride wants goes.

Depends on the couple, the joint families, the number of kids in your families... there is not write or wrong. We are a "big" family in the sense that we grew up close (distance/emotionally) to extended family. Therefore, kids were always invited. Grown now with kids of my own, I wouldn't be upset if someone invited us to a wedding and specified "no kids." Their day, their way. I will say that I was extremely touched when we were invited to a wedding of a former student and they included our children. In fact, they had a special kids table set up in the back of the reception complete with crafts, coloring, kid-friendly snacks and more. I can't tell you who had more fun... us or the kids! We didn't worry about them all night trying to keep them entertained. No tears, no drama... all the kids whether they knew each other beforehand or not, had fun together. They didn't get in the way and I saw many an adult folding origami and paper airplanes with the kids. It was festive and fun and a real treat for both the kids and the parents!

I think it would be so lovely if you could say 'sure, bring your children" but if you watch any of the wedding shows on TLC or elsewhere on the tube, I can say rather certainly that the consensus of most of these brides want to "feel like a princess" and be the center of attention and long to feel like a rock star for a day. These brides aren't going to be interested in accommodating little kids with entertainment. And for many of the parents, the opportunity to enjoy some adult interaction and having the wedding be a "child free" event for them is welcoming. I know many who feel lucky if they can get someone to take care of their children for a day or to attend an overnight hotel wedding somewhere, and have a few drinks without having to worry about driving. I agree with the poster earlier who said they've seen children running into waiters, etc., but children do get really happy and excited at the prospect of being out on the dance floor and "taking center stage." Loud music and wide open spaces are really appealing to little kids! Alot of parents may think the guests will find their children as adorable as they do. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be as charmed and appreciate parents exhibiting the gentle beginnings of teaching their child social graces.

It is very simple, if my children are not good enough to attend your wedding/reception then save yourself a stamp and invitation......there will be no hard feelings.....I will not attend......enjoy your day and have fun and trust me my family and I will be just fine.
I agree with Tony.....we need to have good old fashion weddings and stop trying to out do the next couple.....to the bride and groom, you need to realize that if you invite family to attend your wedding/reception you have now added an extra expense to the parents, especially if there is no one left within your extended family that you haven't invited to watch the children of those you did invite, and in this day, who can you really trust to care for your children. So unfortunately we will not be attending.

If you bring a child to a wedding (which we plan on doing in a few months, he will be 15 months at the time), be prepared to leave if there's a problem. It shouldn't be that big of a surprise if he has a meltdown because he's up way past his bedtime, therefore just leave with him. If he starts crying during the ceremony, walk out and come back afterwards, no big deal. I never had children at my wedding other than teenagers, but they would have been invited if people had wanted to bring them. Parents should make sure they are constantly responsible for their children at a wedding, bottom line.

It's all about the bride, every time. Let her decide who comes.

Regarding whether or not to take children with you to a wedding, there are several things to consider. One is if the invitation did not specifically say one way or the other and you would like to take them, you should ask the person sending the invitation if it includes children of that age. If you already know you do not want to take them, you just show up without them. If they reply YES to that question, then you absolutely can take them. Just let them know how many adults and how many children would be attending when you RSVP. Be sure to take some of the children's items if they are very young.

Bottom line: if the invitation is to "Mr. and Mrs." or "Mr. so and so and GUEST" then those are the ADULTS they intend to see at the wedding. It would be completely rude, distasteful and embarassing to the bridal couple to call and actually ASK THEM if children are invited. And showing up with your children when clearly they are not invited is so completely ignorant I wouldn't even know how to react. If they meant for you to bring you child or children the invitation would clearly indicate "Mr. and Mrs. so and so AND FAMILY" or "AND CHILDREN." If it doesn't say that, then know it is NOT an oversight. If it doesn't say that, then do NOT call them and ask and do NOT assume it is ok to tote the kiddies along. If you are offended by not having your children invited then please, do the bridal couple a favor and decline the invitation.

It might also be important to clarify something here - quite a few of the comments seem to be assuming that all children are young, unsocialized, little terrors, who intentionally or unintentionally wreak havoc at weddings without fail. That's not always the case.

I know my daughter felt hurt when she was excluded from wedding festivities - one being about 9 years ago, when she was 16. She was hardly an unsocialized little terror at that age - quite capable of handling herself properly. More recently, I received a wedding invitation for myself + guest. I thought perhaps, since the groom was someone who we had both known for many years, that perhaps she was permitted to attend as the guest. Although she was 25 years old, the "no children" clause was still in effect. And as far as those saying children don't belong at the wedding because alcohol is being served, I must ask: do you verify before you go to a restaurant with your children that the restaurant is alcohol-free? People go to restaurants, have a few too many drinks and children see this even at "family friendly" restaurants and diners; chances are, the kids aren't going to be shocked seeing someone a bit tipsy at a wedding. In the end though, it's bride and grooms day to decide who and how they want their wedding to be.

I personally prefer weddings where there aren't children...I've experienced some where they're being swung around on the dance floor, and I end up being kicked by flying children...I guess it's really a matter of preference for the bride and groom. I'd say, don't be offended if your children aren't invited, especially because of the cost of things these days.

Personally, I never get offended at the wishes of the bridal couple. You have to understand something, that you probably will not unless you've planned a wedding in the last 15 years or so. There is an entire faction that bumps up the guest list when you invite children. Think about it. What's the cutoff? If the family has a 15 yr. old and a 17 yr. old, do you say you are limiting it to adults 16 and older? Then the parent has to figure out what to do with the 15 yr. old that day--and bam, hurt feelings! It also opens up the "significant other" can of worms. If the 18 yr. old has a "steady boyfriend" do you have to invite him too? Also, cousins! Big families like ours have at least 40+ cousins and in some cases, that number would not include their boyfriends, girlfriends & kids! You also can't say one family can bring their well behaved 4 yr old, but the 3 yr old terror belonging to your cousin and her husband cannot come! This is precisely why people are forced to at times place the words "adult wedding and reception" on their invitation. Until you begin getting the tab for what the big bucks production of the bridal industry these days, don't criticize someone who cannot possibly welcome every family member to their wedding! Enjoy not being invited if you are not "immed. family." You'll save alot of money on the multiple shower gifts, the engagement party, the overnight accommodations, the wedding gift, etc. Us that weekend to chill with your honey!

Weddings are supposed to be "their day" not everyone else's "should" day.

Bottom line: it's up the host, period. Just like any other event. If your kids aren't invited, it's not personal--it's just what the host wants, and then it's up to you as the guest to decide if you want to go, or not. It doesn't matter if your child is well behaved (and indeed, some ARE better behaved than some adults, no question). But that's not the point. It's their party--their rules. End of discussion. (says me anyway!)

Obviously, it's the choice of the bride and groom as to whether or not they'll invite the children. The cost for weddings today can be quite prohibitive so many choose to have just adults. On the flip side, the cost of a babysitter for extended periods of time can also be quite expensive now too. If adults are invited without children, they shouldn't be insulted. Also, if children aren't invited and the adults choose not to attend due to the cost of a babysitter (on top of the gift, bridal shower gift, engagement gift, etc), the bride and groom shouldn't be offended. Personally, I've seen some very good children at a wedding and sometimes they are quite cute when dancing, etc. I guess I'm lucky I've never experienced some of the horror stories people have put in the comments. You can't assume every child will behave badly. Many children take pride in being invited or in the wedding. How else will they learn about weddings and the etiquette if they can't attend any? I'm in favor of the more family oriented weddings, but that's just a personal choice. Either way, parents who take children to a wedding still need to act like responsible parents. It isn't the other guests' or reception hall workers' responsibility to take care of those children.

Bless the beasts and the children -- and leave them at home! I recently took my 11-1/2 yr. old granddaughter to a relative's bridal shower (she received her very own invitation!), and she sat there all dressed up like a China doll, bored to tears and playing with her IPod until the gift-opening got underway. She then paraded the freshly opened gifts around to the tables like a model on The Price is Right while her 2-year old cousin (also receiving her own special invite) sat there ala Shirley Temple smiling and cooing. No tables or waitresses were overturned. After all was said and done, I asked Ms. Liz what she thought. Lizzie always has an analytic, highly thought-out comment to make and will make a fine Philadelphia lawyer one day. "So that's what ladies do at bridal showers?" she posed. "Yes." "BORING!" was the reply. She and her bro are not going to the wedding in November (although they were invited). And next year, when the time comes for the next cousin's bridal shower/wedding, we'll be ahead of the game knowing that kids probably don't want to go to these affairs any more than having their adoring parents drag them out like a monkey on a stick to attend!

It should be specified on the wedding invitation. It is the Bride and Groom's Day! What they decide should be adhered to. Personally, if there is an open bar, no kids under the legal drinking age should be invited because once parents start drinking, God knows what they'll say.